Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.