I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.