capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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