i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
