This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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