wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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