WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
