is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
