There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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