I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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