Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
