Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
