please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
