The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
