Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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