Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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