nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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