There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
