You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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