Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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