That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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