i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
