You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the condom got lost in my hair
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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