I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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