you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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