Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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