So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
