Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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