go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
