if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
