bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
