White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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