I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
