Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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