afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
