why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
