and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How's work?
Spinning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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