I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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