I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
