so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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