If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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