I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
