After last night, I could never be a politician.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize