I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I looked at my own cervix.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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