If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
