He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
