that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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