He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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