Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
