Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
