Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
