just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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