Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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