When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
