Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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